Sunday, March 23, 2008

Big dreams

Here I am, sitting at my parent's computer at 1:49 a.m. the night before Easter, unable to sleep. How could I sleep when images of cabs, people from all walks of life, bright lights, and tall buildings keep flashing through my mind? I keep going over my plan of moving to New York in my head, over and over and over. Thinking of selling my car and everything else I own that I can't fit in to a suit case. Leaving everything I've ever known behind to chase a future I've always wanted. One of a New Yorker. And not just any New Yorker — a fashion editor.

I keep imagining the day when I arrive, my bags in tow, ready to take on the universe. The moment when I finally think to myself, "I made it. I did it." That will be the best moment of my life.

Every time I explain my plan to someone — leave everything behind by the end of this year, start working for a temp agency, get an entry-level job in fashion and work my way up — I get polite grins and the response, "Wow, well that's a big dream now isn't it?" "Yes," I respond. "It is. But I can do it."

I am well aware things might not go my way. I know I probably won't get a job in fashion in the first month, maybe the first few months. But I will eventually. And until I do, I'm prepared to work jobs to support myself that might not be ideal. But even that excites me. I want to experience New York and all it has to offer.

Perhaps the thing that most excites me about the city is it's promise of life. Fully living. Meeting people you never would, having conversations you've never had, opening your mind wider than it's ever gone before — that's what I want. I've lived a very sheltered life until this point, and it's time to branch out and take risks.

So here I sit, at 2 a.m., dreaming of the day when all this comes to life. And when it does, I'll remember the nights I laid awake dreaming, and be so proud of myself for doing so.

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